Missing Normal and Freedom


Last Tuesday I had the last surgery that I will have for a while. I had cancerous tissue removed and had a chemo port placed. I’m not allowed to shower yet or drive. I am definitely still bruised, sore, and very slow moving! I am missing my normal life and the freedom to do anything and go anywhere, alone!

Going forward: Chemo will be starting on December 7th and will be done every 1-2 weeks for about 4 months. I’m waiting to see how I’m feeling before deciding to take any more than just the time for the appointments off of work.

Helpful things: Prayer for contentment, and hand sanitizer to keep me healthy while trying to continue working!

We did go out and walk around in Everett today and grab coffee. It felt so good to be outside after being stuck on the couch for so long! I am only a third of the way through my time off of work and I am itching to do things! It will feel very good to get back to work and reestablish some normality in my life. However, I did receive a video from my students that was really sweet and definitely will help tide me over until I can go back. Thanks to the parents who helped create it!😃❤️

I am very thankful for all of the support from friends, family, and coworkers! Also a big shout out to my husband for driving me everywhere and coming to my appointments and washing my hair and listening to my complaints! ❤️

I recently read a devotional about how Jesus endured His suffering leading up to the cross. I am normally a non-emotional, let’s-attack-this-with-a-plan sort of person. This cancer recurrence has been harder than anything I have gone through before. But, it is okay to be upset (she said to herself)! In those moments of being overwhelmed by sadness, fear, and anger, I am working on letting myself feel that. Then I remember who our God is. Jesus felt those feelings leading up to the cross. But He didn’t let that stop Him from enduring that trial for the sake of God’s glory and love that He knew would come on the other end of it. My goal through the next two years-ish of dealing with this trial, is to let myself be upset, but also to remind myself that I can still rejoice and rest in the eternal love of Christ, who knows my struggle.

“I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.” Psalm 31:7 NLT

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