Hardest Part... DONE

Well the hardest part of my journey is DONE. I have only one more of the more toxic chemo sessions left (then 12 of a different drug) and I have shaved my hair! Unfortunately, I had to shave my hair on Christmas Eve. It was so hard! Thankfully, my dad did it for me at my parents house. I cried for about five minutes straight and it still sucks, but the hardest part is done. I have many looks I’m still getting used to: the totally bald, the hats, and a wig. None feel normal. It will be a long time until I feel like myself again but I’m determined to make the best of it and step out of my comfort zone to try to have fun with it.

School started again and I thought it would be way harder than it was! I’ve said it before, but I have been so blessed this year by my coworkers and students. Every acknowledgment and compliment of my wig gave me the confidence I needed. My students and I had a conversation about it. They are so wonderful and sweet. While we all awknowledged that I look different and weird and it’s not my real hair, none of them said anything that made me feel self-conscious about it. Which was a relief, because kids are brutally honest!

Making this transition is so difficult, but it is TEMPORARY.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but every time I have been able to go to church since my surgeries and chemo have begun, it has been exactly what I needed to hear. Last weeks sermon was on Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; 

He leads me beside the still waters. 

3 He restores my soul; 

He leads me in the paths of righteousness 

For His name’s sake. 

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil; 

For You are with me; 

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me...

He is daily with me in this valley. I am daily given strength, energy, and peace. The trials of this world are temporary and will not define or consume me. As a cancer patient, I am still a daughter, a wife, a teacher, a diabetic, a friend, and a daughter loved by the King. Some days are harder than others, but I have been given the grace and strength to continue to be all of those things in all the different parts of my life. While Jesus is my Lord, Shepherd, and King, I will want for nothing. 

I hate that my cancer has come back. But I want to awknowledge blessings I have received in the midst of this. I didn’t have chemo last time, so I was able to get married with my real hair and feel confident. Because I am older and am working this time, I am surrounded by enormous amounts of people who are making me feel loved and confident, and are forcing me to put myself first when pride gets the best of me. As I go through this, a friend of mine is also living with breast cancer. As horrible as it is, and even though our journeys are very different, we get to walk through this together, encourage each other, and have someone who “gets it”. Even in the valley, He is restoring my soul. 

“How real, how wide
How rich, how high is Your heart
I cannot find the reasons why You give me so much” - “Known” Tauren Wells